Let us be the first to say, you’re not alone. Those concerns you’re having – Why is my child so sad? Did I do something wrong? Should I be worried? How do I get him out of his room? Where do I go for help? – they’re normal, and it’s okay to have those questions. It’s also extremely normal for your child or teen to go through seasons of fluctuating emotions, even those that are deeply sad or possibly suicidal. So, take a deep breath – you’re still a good parent and you can get through this. Let’s talk about where to go from here.

WHAT ARE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS?

Suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation are any repeated or chronic thoughts about taking one’s life. And though not always the case, these thoughts can often be triggered by significant life events in a child’s eyes, such as abuse, failure, bullying, sexual violence, and extreme family changes. What’s important to remember is that while all suicidal feelings should be taken seriously, having these thoughts does not mean your child is necessarily going to attempt suicide. But it does mean they need help and support.

Signs a child might be having suicidal thoughts:

• – Isolation (at home or withdrawal from friends)
• – Losing interest in daily life or things they enjoy
• – Poor sleep and/or appetite
• – Major changes in overall disposition (i.e. going from a talkative child to not saying anything)
• – Irritability
• – Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness
• – Saying things like “I wish I wasn’t here” or “people would be better off without me” – even jokingly
• – Losing interest in their appearance
• – Alcohol consumption or drug use
• – Saying they’re “sick” all the time
• – Insistence on wearing sleeves
• – Frequent self-harming
• – Previous suicide attempts

SELF HARM VS. SUICIDE

While there are links between self-harm and suicide, the intent behind these two actions is often very different and self-harm does not always lead to suicide/suicidal thoughts. Self-harm in children (cutting, scratching, burning, pulling out hair) is usually used as a coping mechanism and a way of feeling something. Whereas suicide and suicidal thoughts are more often linked to feelings of emptiness and wanting to feel nothing.

NEXT STEPS

Talk it Out – Yes, it’s Okay.

If you believe your child may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, the first and most important step is establishing a path for open communication. It is a common misconception that talking or bringing up suicide will make it more likely to occur, but that’s simply not the case. In fact, research has shown otherwise – asking a child directly about whether they are experiencing suicidal thoughts can make a child feel both seen and cared for during a time where they may be feeling the exact opposite. Though difficult and even scary to navigate, a good starting point is to begin asking open-ended questions, then moving toward clear and pointed questions about suicide (avoiding vague language). Here are a few prompts to get you started:

Questions to Ask Your Child:

• – How have you been feeling lately?
• – I’ve noticed you’ve been down; can you tell me more about that?
• – It seems like you’ve been sad more often. Did something happen at school?
• – Sometimes when people are feeling the way you are, they think about suicide. Have you ever had those thoughts before?
• – When life feels hard in these moments, do you ever feel like you want to kill yourself?
• – It sounds like you’re thinking about suicide, is that right?

Create a Safety Plan

The best time to put a safety plan in place is not after a suicide attempt, but before. After expressing thoughts of suicide, work alongside your child to create a plan for the days that they’re having suicidal thoughts or feeling sad and lonely. In addition to practical safety measures like removing access to guns, conducting room checks, and leaving the door open, look for ways to lean into the things they love or even avoid things that aren’t helpful. Maybe it’s planning a date with an aunt they look up to, watching happy movies, or taking a bath – whatever it looks like, defining these things early and openly will give the entire family confidence when navigating hard days and scary emotions, which are bound to come.

Rely on Established Support

Is your child a part of a youth group? What about a sports team or local Boys and Girls Club? Rather than isolating during a time of crisis, it’s important to build support around your child no matter what environment they’re in. If they’re okay with it, even consider asking your child who they might feel comfortable having access to their safety plan. You never know when it might need to be implemented! The more safety points you can put in place, the more secure your child can feel.

Seek Outside Help

If your child has never been to therapy but is open to the idea, this is a great time to start! While having conversations in the home will help you better gauge where your child is at, a licensed therapist that specializes in child psychiatry and mental health can help make sense of your child’s emotions and work one-on-one with your family to navigate the best way of moving forward.

Not quite ready for this step? That’s totally okay. Speaking to a pediatrician or primary doctor can be another great step for navigating where your child is at and accessing helpful resources in your area.